Belly of the Whale

School is through.
I am happy and sad. That work and those experiences are now only memories, they can't be experienced in their full vigor and vitality ever again. That is the way of things, but the effort I put into the Nag Hammadi, my passion and addiction; the love I felt for Wendy, and the desire I had to make things work; my devotion to my classes, my perseverance through illness, injury, and doggy dispute; I worked as hard as I could. I can't remember ever in my life where I have more often felt grumpy, disgruntled, more frustrated, baffled - or simply curious as to if I was actually losing my mind. Seriously, I understand schizophrenia in a whole new way now.

It has truly been a wild ride like none I have ever embarked upon before. So I am a little reminiscent; I wonder if I learned what was there to be learned? I wonder if I have missed something in my delirium that I should take with me? What mistakes and missteps have I made? Maybe it all is still to near to see with any perception?

I don't want to do it all over againby any means. I hope, and I am trying to make, my next semester, my last semester, a bit more pleasant to work through. I can hardly explain how excited I am to soon be home with family and old friends. When was the last time? It was so brief, a year ago, it doesn't seem to carry any weight at all. I feel years have past, ages of experience and change. Yet I don't fear that I have grown away from anyone, not at all. Perhaps I should; it is an inevitability of life and growth. But Columbia is more like a family to me than a destination. I care little for what or who people become with their age and choices. My family and friends first reflect where it is that I am from, what my roots are, the foundation of who I am; but second, they personally influenced me, changed me by their own intrigue and ability. I am "me" because of the effect of those around me. If I love who I am, I must love those who taught me to myself, who raised me, challenged me, brought my dreams alive, believed in me, encouraged me, scolded me, toughened me, didn't take shit from me, and wouldn't let me take the easy road. I feel like the world is my teacher and Columbia was long my world, long my home and haven, and you all have always been there for me. I was never let down, never disapointed. I feel like I had the greatest mom in the world.

So if any of you are out there: I love you very much. I hope to see some old faces in the coming weeks.

Now it is to house cleaning and celebration, good food and drink, a little skiing perhaps. I am doing a little coaching for the Special Olympics - this should be an adventure.
-jonah