Belly of the Whale

It is time to refigure my dreams once more.
Life constantly turns and returns back upon itself.
Each day we learn a little more about what is real, then apply it to what we know, or thought we knew - then we recreate our worlds with a little more truth, a little finer focus, a bit more pristine understanding of who we are, where we are going, and what really matters after all.

Our understanding is never complete; it always must turn back upon itself and be reforged and reshaped.
Nothing is eternal but eternity.


I have been shown an elaborate mirage.
Or is it??
Likely I'll never know. It doesn't matter, but I have learned that no matter how precise our technic for deciphering the symbols and symetry of the world - we can b thrown tricks or faints. Or, at least in the short term, they can appear that way.

My aspirations with Carmel will likely not become what I had once hoped - and all seemed so perfectly in line. It is almost enough to make you laugh, the idosynchronic way the universe works.
Throw your hands in the air and shout, "Who knows?"
Anything is possible and the more likely a thing is the less probable it becomes. Ha

So again to the drawing board of dream and image. What can I see? What can I conjure?
As always there are strange things working already, some I am aware of and some which will jump out at me in their time, just in time.

But I have no idea what that future looks like. I am in the darkness of uncreation once more. But again I am free to let my heart soar. I am not tied as I have been to a painful and doubtful hope. What a rough two months I've had.
What will the next two bring me?

I am still under a good deal of strain. I have heavy questions slowly resolving, some still waiting there time on the floor of thought.
I hope I am as healthy and strong and creative as I need to be to be up to this challenge. I feel I am but then at times I feel weak and low, like I could stumble.
And I can not affort to stumble now. I am too close to the edge, too much is at risk. I have not enough margin to last it.

But perhaps this recent change will envigorate me. Perhaps the wave is rising to a crest and I will again see futures and possibilities glistening to the horizon. The words on the page are now working there magic and lifting me there already.
I can feel the energy again soaring. What an amazing thing this life is, how every moment acts like an eternity, seems never ending, holds you so tightly. It is only when it passes that you remember what else life can be.

I am opening again, for the moment.
Here's to you Carmel, you have all my love.