20 June, 2005

Hey, I'm "getting my shit together" so to speak.

This is great. Finally I am on the upswing. The pendulum has passed. I'll learning lots of things about myself and what I need.
I realize how lucky I've been for so long.

I've learned what I've lost in the past eight months or so: Routine, daily exercise, --in short, a degree of discipline.
I allowed myself to immerse myself too fully in my work. Few breaks. Few distractions. But slowly, I became de-centered. The things that once glued my life together began to unravel.

I didn't notice for a while. Or, maybe I did, but I let it go. Then it was too hard to overcome, and I didn't know exactly what was happening any more.
Usually, I am centered, self-contend. But more recently I have been needy, looking outwardly for validation, company, and happiness. I didn't see the connection until yesterday.

Now I am coming back. I am finding a new routine for my new marine life. Right now I am fasting to cleanse the insides and my spirit. I am breathing and focusing and paying attension to who I am, was, and will become.
This has been most educational. Be de-centered is a debilitating and tiresome condition. And now I know where I am and how I got here. Now I can move forward.
I have to have more discipline with my diet. I need to find means of exercise daily. I need time in the woods and time alone (not a problem here).

I can already feel my former vitality returning. My thoughts are more self-oriented and balanced.
I need also clear short term goals. That is another key. Basically, I need to live by the same methodology as I used in University: utilize a "to-do" list. Everyday. Aim at something. Do it.

And then allow for rest and reflection.

Life is great. Orcas is so so beautiful.

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