23 June, 2005

I have lost all track of what has and has not been written, what has been published or otherwise, but I have had a remarkable week. Peace.
Finally I have taken the time to sleep, read, and recover. I am a new man.

I fasted for four days. No food. Only water. I found the clarity to work out my problems.
My goodness, I feel so good. I just started taking food again today. It will take another day before my body is really feeling energized, but my spirit has been soaring the whole time.
Strange that hunger was never a real issue, only fatigue.

I am re-centered again. I figure now that I’ve been off since this Christmas, a slow slide. I was only partly aware of how “not happy” I really was. It wasn’t so bad, but not my normal self.

Now I feel so lucky that I have been so happy so long. This time really offers me perspective.
I wouldn’t go so far as to say I was depressed, but now I know how lack of discipline can effect daily routines, how these routines promote health. When these get disturbed, you get lazy and routine becomes more and more difficult, until everything becomes difficult. This is being de-centered. All of a sudden you are looking outward for support, and not inward. Outer validation and not inner.
It’s a mess.
More learning for me, indeed.
This week has been very important. Hopefully now I will be able to do the work that is coming.
I hope to leave Orcas soon, as soon as my strength is back and the wind is right.
Then explore.

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